Sometimes I doodle.
Sometimes I write grocery lists.
Sometimes I create cool graphs or my favorite, bubble letters.
And sometimes I actually write sermon notes.
I’m always listening, by the way. Pencils help me concentrate.
And currently I’m using up a box of about 200 Myra Katherine Hale, Miss Nebraska 1995 pencils. I have no idea why I still have them, but they are just perfectly sharp.
Today, though, no MKH or Mrs. Myra Katherine McConauhey or dog food, bread and milk.
Today the pastor started his sermon with this. (And I’m kind of paraphrasing the parts I don’t remember.)
Marriages struggle (break-up, etc.) for 3 reasons.
When you have it, when you don’t, when it’s his and never yours.
When you have it, when you don’t, when you have it with other people. Just, ya know, hypothetically speaking.
I’ve never written specifically about the break-up of my marriage, but let me go on record as saying it wasn’t the in-laws.
Our pastor preached from Peter and gave what was, without question, the best sermon on marriage I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing.
Where was he 10 years ago?
Hearing this message would not have, could not have saved my marriage.
But it would’ve saved many years of being completely confused.
And utterly sad.
The problem with blogging about a sermon is that I’m gonna share about 2 minutes of a 30+ minute sermon (the man can do some preaching’), so I worry that I’ll bungle his message, but here is what I learned.
The man is the head of the household.This is not a command, rather a statement of fact. Something about the difference between and indicative and an imperative.
My buddy Luke leaned over to tell me that he’s learning this in 5th grade.
It’s not a matter of if you want your husband to be the head or not, it only matters that he is.
So if he sucks at it, that’s really gonna suck for you.
And your children.
And my pastor did not use the word suck. Just, ya know, fyi.
I also learned that God created marriage to be an image, an example, a (oh, dang—what is the word I’m looking for), oh! a model for how we see Jesus and the church.
I knew that. Sorta. Ya know, the whole we-are-the-bride-thing.
Here’s what else our pastor said.
If you do not lead your family.
If you do not love your wife the way that Jesus loves the church.
If you do not honor your wife and live with her in an “understanding way.”
Then you are lying to your family about Jesus.
And the church.
And I can’t help but make the leap.
And I’m picking on fathers but I can’t help but make the leap.
If your children come to you and you turn them away.
You are lying about Jesus and the church.
Jesus said to the little children, come unto me.
If your children come to you and you guilt them and you make them responsible for your happiness and you tell them they can’t feel and they can’t be honest and you create an environment of fear and distrust and you are their earthly father so yes, I have to go there———
You are lying to your children.
And His bride.
So I was driving home from church.
And having your children gone never—ever—never gets easier.
If anything, it only gets suckier.
Driving home from church and I was trying to remember where I ever got the courage to leave.
It’s all starting to fade and I’m trying to remember that brave girl, scared out of her mind who was tired of a husband who was lying to his wife.
And her children.
And it was the best sermon on marriage that I’ve ever heard.
My life is measured in halves and splitting and calendars and his and mine and my children are bounced back and forth like some ridiculous bouncy ball that you get at the pizza parlor and marriage is a disaster in this culture because men don’t want to be men and they don’t want to lead and they want their Kate and Edith (or Ed) too and yes, OK, for the 5 or 6 men who read my blog, here is it is.
Step the hell up, quit lying about Jesus and lead your families.
Ok, that is all!
The best sermon I’ve ever heard on marriage.
I’ll have to ask Luke. Is that considered an opinion or an indicative.