January 2nd. The day I believed.
I remember anniversaries. Even those that don’t deserve remembering. I remember random dates and significant dates and dates better left forgotten.
And Janaury 2nd is just such a date.
A day of truth. A day of knowing. A day that the 2 by 4 slammed down.
And I remember Maya Angelou and how she says “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
This was time 486 (but seriously whose counting,) and yet I would never believe; always forget and in a way too easily forgive.
But the lesson came hard and fast and ugly and when they show you, believe.
And on january 2nd, 2011, I believed.
And it dawned on me. I’m gonna need a lawyer!
And so I have a name and I have a number and I call. And I remember the date because new years was on Sunday last year but observed on Monday. I called and there was no answer.
And then I tried again and then just one more time and this man answers the lobby phone. This man who is the man whose name is on my piece of scratch paper: this man who shouldn’t be at work, who I’m guessing rarely answers the lobby phone and who is saying, yes. This is he. Speaking.
And I start talking and pouring and words are flooding out and I tell him my story and our story and there is this stranger and I’m inviting him into the mess and the tangle and the muddle and for one year….one ridiculously long and scary year…I tell him the secrets and the heartaches and the fear and the anger and he listens (or course, I pay him to listen, something that doesn’t really work other men!), but he listens well and he advises and he is at every turn ethical and professional and right and I drive him crazy and I share too much and I email too often and I think at this one year mark, that he knows more about my life than any other person, any other friend, any other family.
I’m not a superstitious person. I’m not even sure if that’s how you spell superstitious. I’m a faith person. I’m a jesus person. I’m a person who, when I make a call to an empty office on a holiday and the one person I’m looking for just happens to be randomly walking through the lobby and just happens to answer the phone and wait! I’m a person who doesn’t believe in randomly just happenings.
I believe in miracles. And I believe in God’s hand of protection and I believe that my attorney was handpicked. For me. By God. And if you think that’s crazy well then you don’t know my attorney. Or my God.
Or how much Jesus loves me. 🙂
January 2nd. The day I saw ugly. The day I believed ugly. And the day my call was answered.
And as we head into year two, I’m just pausing long enough to say thank you….and in some super weird way, I kinda want to say “happy anniversary” but again that’s pretty weird and there is no “happy” in divorce, only gratitude for the guidance along the way.
And I am very grateful.