Raising Magnolias

I’m not sure that I’m ready to actually write a “blog” about yesterday. Actually, I sure I’m not ready.

I never will be.

As much of an urgency and a conviction that I have to write and share my story and share my faith—

I have a similar conviction that what I experienced yesterday is something that I won’t be able to fully share. Is something that I

Shouldn’t.

Fully share.

It was hard and freeing and broken and healing.

I was not at all prepared for the wave of emotion that would hit me—

Like a brick.

When it was over.

I held it together all day. But when the judge used the term “irrevocably broken” and I have no clue how to spell that and I don’t want to learn because I pray to God that I never have to hear it again—

When he used that term over and over and over the waves came and I was undone.

It was hard and freeing and broken and healing.

Because of Jesus, none of us are irrevocably broken.

Not even my family.

And now together, separately, but somehow, humbly by God’s grace—

Together.

Will we do what we have been chosen and called to do.

Love and nuture and protect and raise Coulter and Emma Claire up in the way that they should go.

I’ve told the story about how I called my attorney on a Monday that New Year’s Day was being obvserved.

I’ve told the story about how he answered and I want to say it out loud for my friends and family to hear that he answered my call so many times and I forever grateful to him. I was not an easy client.
I have made life-time friends in his wife and their children and I am overwhelmed by his committment to my and my kids.

After it was over, we agreed to talk and wrap things up later, so he put his hand out to shake as any professional man would do.

I said, “Good grief. I’m going to hug you.”

He said, “Uhm yeah. I’m not really comfortable with that.”

I guess I’m breaking client/lawyer confidentiality here, but—-

I hugged him anyway.

Divorce

Hard and freeing and broken and healing.

I’m also humbled and overwhelmed by the outpouring of encouragement and prayers. Texts and calls and messages and packages left on my front steps and prayers and prayers and—

Prayers.

God used these two years to change my heart.

To change me.

I’m a nebraska girl for now and he used these two years to show me that I can do this.

And that I have a convenant family and a village of incredible friends who have stood up and shown up and yes—overwhelmed—is the only word I have.

And grateful.

My pastor called early and asked if he could come pray with us. My mom in her robe and me less-than-fully-dressed and we sat in my living room and we prayed and it was healing for my mom to see this man of God and know that he cares for my family. He then texted and said—-

“Your mom’s HILLARY bumper sticker scares me. No. Really. It scares me.”

And my mom loves him. Even though he makes fun of Hillary. And her bumper sticker.

Thanks y’all. As Ann Voskamp would say, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

And now we move one. I’ll still be sharing my journey of faith and I’m guessing there will be some funny stories to come and some hard ones and I know that there is healing still to come and challenges and real life and yes. I will still be sharing my journey of faith. I’m off the gym and I’m crying too hard to see the screen, and my computer is being weird about spell check so my apologies in advance for typos and the fact that I really don’t give a sh*t how to spell irrevocable. 🙂

Movin’ on.

Grateful.

Thankful. (Which I think is redundant and means the same as grateful.)

Ready.