I saw her last week. She was on the interview panel for the job I didn’t get.
The perfect one.
Ya know, that I didn’t get.
She has children at Emma Claire’s new preschool.
And so I saw her again.
And how super special that I have this almost daily reminder of failure.
I feel badly about this. She’s a very nice person.
But today when I saw her, it was different. I had this little woo-hoo moment. (That’s kind of like Oprah’s aha moments, but if I’m going to be a famous author, I need my own kind of moment) and so I thought woo-hoo!
I’m off to train clients. I’m in running shoes and running skirts and the Lord is changing lives and the Lord is changing me and she said no and The Lord said no and now every time I see her, I’m going to be reminded—-
There is grace in the no.
Last week I was training with a friend and she joked that I should have new tshirts made that say, HALE NO! Then, clients could pick a shirt to match their mood. That made me laugh because occasionally clients do give me that “Ahhhh!! He-ll No!” look.
But there is grace in the no.
I am humbled beyond words to go back through my prayer journals and see the answers.
Yep, not gonna happen.
I know the plans I have for you.
You do not know.
I promise to work all of this for your good.
Ahhhh! HALE NO!
There is grace in the no.
Last night my kiddos were fast asleep. I grabbed a blanket and a devotion book and pretzeled-up into my new chair. The one my friend brought over. The one that I love and I gave thanks for the many.
Its hard to give words to my heart today.
Because for the first time in so many years, my heart is quiet.
Tomorrow will be my 3rd birthday in Fremont. (Hint intended!)
And I have never unpacked.
Not physically. Not emotionally.
But cozied up in my new chair, I can feel it. I’ve unpacked.
And I am lighter.
I am settled.
And my heart?
Y’all know how the old people love me right? Last week a man tried to kiss me on the lips so they didn’t let him come back, but there was this one man who looked at me said, “You have a beautiful smile.”
And I just laughed.
I don’t know about beautiful, but for the first time in a long ‘ol time—-
It is real.
And I love to smile.
Today I mailed off my first rent check. It was big.
Like I had to use a comma, big. 🙂
And I’ve never done that before. Am I scared?
Hale yes, I’m scared!
But as I told strong mike this morning, I delivered two children without any drugs, so do you think I’m going to let fear stop me?
That would be “Ahhhhhhh!”
The Lord has assigned to me my portion and my cup. He has made my lot secure has caused the boundaries to fall in pleasant places. Psalm 16:5,6
A quiet heart in a pleasant place.
Ah! Thank you, Jesus!