Yesterday, in her blog www.aholyexperience.com, Ann Voskamp tells the story of her young daughter performing her piano piece by memory. For a judge.
My eyes light up. Yes! I know this. I know performing; I know about judges. Oh! Oh! Does she get first place? All 1’s? Oh, I’m so nervous for her!
Ann describes it so well that I feel as though I’m back on that bench. On the stage. Playing.
Her daughter fumbles, forgets and the presses forward. Afterward, the judge praises her for the simple act of moving forward.
Oooh! I’m so jealous. I want to raise my hand and yell, “Yes! Yes! I know that! That’s what I teach my students! That’s what I teach my children.” Everyone knows what happens when you go back—
At least pageant people know. You end up with a never-ending version of Fur Elise. That’s what.
Everything she writes resonates with my heart and yet today, this music; this moving forward, yeah….well, I already know all that. But then she says it’s not the “going” that’s hard. It’s the “keep going”.
And I see it. This is a choice.
The saying goes, life goes on—as if moving forward is inevitable—but it’s not. Life moves forward, yes, but do we move with it? Each time I tell the story; each time I re-play it in my head; each time I choose not to forgive and not to forget, well that’s me going backward. Starting again.
And Beethoven rolls in his grave and he’s glad he’s deaf so that he can’t hear the never ending version of this song.
(Wait. It was Beethoven, right? I should totally know that….you know, 6 years of music education and 15 plus as a teacher…yes, I should know that. Did somebody go blind? Whatever. My music history teacher was a coach.)
That was a joke. I just like to blame all the stuff I can’t remember on coaches who shouldn’t have been teachers.
Moving Forward. It’s a choice. And somedays I get it right. I’m on a 5K sprint, moving, running, leaping forward, but as Ann says that’s not the hard part.
It’s the keeping. The keeping on, keeping on! Each day. Every day. Choosing to move.
It’s 2013 ; my year of Promise—the perfect time to remember the performances; the judges, the trophies (I seriously love trophies) and the victories. I made it. I faked it. I always.moved.forward.
I will continue to tell my story; to put to paper what God has put on my heart, but for the living; for the leaping and loving and healing and trusting; yes for the living I choose to move forward.
No going back. No start overs. No re-dos.
Just knowing and growing and keeping on going!