Learning to Talk Again.
As my Aunt Betty would say, “This is not my story to tell….”
Several years ago my brother was traveling with then Senator Clinton. He was interviewed for a profile piece. The journalist asked how he stayed in shape. Out of the blue, he answered:
“I eat sunflower seeds.”
Now, I think there were other things said; other true things, but at the time he had never eaten a sunflower seed.
And I remember him saying, “I don’t know. It just came out.”
That story makes me laugh.
And I thought it about last night.
I have a new client. (Yay! New Year’s Resolutions!) The long version of this story is that I will do pretty much anything to avoid the weight room. We will go to the gym, the track, the park, anywhere, except a room full of treadmills and men lifting weights. But the gyms were full and the track is closed. And it’s January in Nebraska.
There was no choice.
I squeeze her onto a treadmill and we begin. Immediately, I am distracted by the people; the voices; the music.
And the boys.
I’m not kidding. There were a lot of boys.
I’m 40 years old. I’m married (yep, still married). I teach. I train. I’m confidently raising two children. And all of a sudden I’m starting to get really hot and I’m not even the one running.
Ridiculous. I know.
Somehow we manage to avoid all the boys. It was easy actually. We just didn’t do any weights.
But on they way out, we bump into a friend.
I fidget. I stammer. I stumble. I forget to make introductions. I forget that I’m actually working. I forget—
My client is young. She hasn’t forgotten how to talk to boys so she carried the conversation. She talk about the workout. She talked about Jillian (Biggest Loser!) She talk about trying to lose pregnancy weight. She talked about having more babies as in no-way, never again. And I find my voice and I say—
“Oh! I loved being pregnant!”
Right. And my brother eats sunflower seeds to stay healthy.
Let’s see, I remember being sick and huge and each morning taking medicine that doubled as a sleeping pill. Tea? No, thanks! But here’s a sleeping pill to start your day!
And I remember that Coulter quit napping. And I remember the sound of Barney as we would try to nap, and I remember that even today the sound of Barney makes me want to throw-up.
And I remember sneaking a 6 oz. diet coke so that somehow I could find the energy to teach.
Yes, I remember the diet coke and it was like Manna from Heaven and seriously, just look at Emma Claire. She’s perfect. The Coke people should totally use her in commercials:
Expecting? Drink more diet coke!
And then I remember a Kindermusik mom saying to me,
I am so jealous of you!
Excuse me? Come again?
She continued. What an exciting time in your life. You will never be here again. When will she be born? What will she look like? What does this new future hold and for some reason I believed her.
I believed her because she was right.
Yes! I thought. Be jealous of me!
All 30 extra pounds.
And last night when I randomly blurted out that I loved being pregant, I remembered that mom. And the sunflower seeds.
And the excitement of a new baby and new day and a new way and I thought, HALE yes!
Be jealous of me. Be jealous that I don’t have a job or a husband and that I don’t have family near by and wait.
I’m getting off track.
This is exciting!
I’m getting my life back. Our life.
I’m fighting for my children, for our family, for our future.
Jesus came that we might not have a spirit of timidity. I can humbly, and yet boldly, come before the throne of Grace and fight.
I’ve found my voice. I’m finding my way. And what the heck-0-la, I get to look at cute boys again.
Now if I could just learn to talk to them! 🙂
(Side note: The divorce has been delayed again. I trust in God’s timing and know that all things are working together for good. I only mention this to say that yes, I am still married and this blog is just meant for fun. I couldn’t talk to boys before I got married, while I’ve been married and I suspect it will continue to be a problem in the future. Again…just for fun. And am I happy to say that my client bought 4 more sessions. Not sure if it’s because I’m a good trainer or if she liked all the boys. 🙂