Raising Magnolias

Grace for an Ugly Heart

There is this woman.

I look at her some days—

And cringe.

She’s a  fraud.

People think she’s kind, but her heart is black.

She’s  been told she’s attractive.

I can’t imagine why. Nothing about her is attractive.

She is distinctly unattractive.

She has friends.

Amazing ones.

They must not know. Must not see.

She has clients. Who hire her. Trust her. Follow her.

They must not know. Must not see.

Don’t they know she’s a fraud?

That her heart is full of pride and bitterness?

Can’t they see that she blames everything on everyone else?

That she’s entitled and manipulative and jealous?

People probably think she’s a good mom, too.

 

She tries.

I’ll give her that.

She tries hard. She loves her children.

She fails. But she tries.

She is hot-tempered.

Lord, have mercy is she hot-tempered.

And often acts like a small child.

She can be irrational and Oh. My. Gosh. high maintenance.

Super high.

Tower. Flippin’. High.

A church dress and sephora’s best cannot mask an ugly heart.

And hers can be so ugly.

 

I’m not being too harsh. If if sugar-coat her sinful heart, I sugar-coat her need for Jesus.

I sugar-coat the Cross.

And yet.

There is the cross.

There is Grace.

There is Redemption.

Even for a high-maintence, quick-tempered, jealous, ugly soul like hers.

And because of the Cross. Because of His grace.

Her husband adores her.

He praises her. “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all” (Proverbs 31:29).

(Which makes this woman smile. Like a little word-play from the Lord, for wife #3).

Her children love her. Even when she gets it wrong, they love her.

“They rise up and call her blessed.” (Proverbs 31:28).

That is crazy. Grace-crazy.

 

Crazy grace that would save a wretch like me.

I used to say it all the time. But had forgotten until this morning.

“I’ve never been here.”

We. Have never been here.

Ann Voskamp wrote that once and it stuck.

We’ve never been here.

As a wife and a mother and a friend and a step and an ex and a business owner and a daughter and a sister.

I.

Have never been here before.

We hear all the time that God’s mercies are new every morning. But here’s what I also know.

They are new. And they are specific.

The mercy we need for today.

So it doesn’t matter.

That we haven’t been here.

He’s go it covered.

Got us covered.

Got me covered.

Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound.